Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Just Believe

In Mark 5:36 Jesus tells a ruler of the synagogue, Jairus, to "Just Believe" when Jairus thinks that his daughter has just died.

"Jesus told the synagogue ruler, 'Don't be afraid; just believe'."

Just Believe...

As I wrote previously, the last couple of weeks haven't been so hot.  I kept trying to focus on Jesus and not the storm but it was very difficult.  Every time I tried to read, pray or think my brain would do a flip-flop and jolt me away from coherent thoughts.  Don't take this the wrong way, but it's honestly like trying to study for a test or drive or do some other task that requires thinking while being drunk.  I don't know how else to describe how my brain is working these days.  And I kicked the awful medicine over a month ago.  I'm only taking 2 non-narcotic, very mild prescriptions every day... so I'm not "under the influence" of anything.  Anyway... that's what it feels like. 

So, maybe you can better understand how when I have bad days it's nearly impossible to not think about my condition.  If you've ever had a toothache or backache or earache you know how hard it is to focus on anything but the pain.  I kinda feel the same way.  I'm not just wallowing in the pity of my condition; I truly cannot think straight without my brain going mushy.

I was recently journaling and reading and came across this story of Jairus.  I've read it before but Jesus' words, "Just Believe" resonated.  I was going through my frustrations and failings that I couldn't do much for Him and He assured me that all I have to do is believe.  That's it.  I don't have to try and be fancy.  I don't have to run out and serve people when I have a mush brain.  I don't have to act like I'm ok or that I'm not angry sometimes.  I don't have to be super-wife or mom.  I don't have to get all the answers and have His roadmap for when this will all end.  My role is quite simple, "Just Believe."  What a relief.  In the midst of my mush-brain I can still do that... believe.

Here's how I envision my conversations with Jesus some days:
Me: Today I feel terrible and want to cry all day.
Jesus:  Just Believe
Me:  I don't feel like worshipping and praying.
Jesus:  Just Believe
Me:  My suffering and frustration run too deep to have any joy.
Jesus:  Just Believe
Me: I thought you were going to do great things through this trial.
Jesus:  Just Believe
Me: My husband and kids need me and I can't even care for them.  I'm really mad!
Jesus:  Just Believe
Me: Modern medicine says there's no cure for Meniere's disease.
Jesus:  Just Believe

Beau lost his 7th tooth this week.  He was pumped.  He's so fortunate... he always has these low-drama-teeth-falling-out-while-he's-eating moments.  Lydia's always have to be pulled and always come with loads of unnecessary (in my opinion) drama and blood.  Anyway, that night Beau got ready for the tooth fairy and I just thought, how can they believe in this?  Can they seriously think some little fairy flies into their room and collects their teeth and leaves them money?  There are so many problems with this: 1) how can one fairy visit so many kids in one night (kinda like Santa) 2) why would we let a creepy fairy into our house 3) how can a teeny fairy cart off a tooth 4) what does she do with all those nasty teeth 5) how does she happen to have all those quarters/dollars/candy on hand 6) why do some kids get WAY more than $1 per tooth, including candy, treats and other kinds of goodies? There are more issues I'm sure, but you get the picture.

But a child doesn't think through all of these issues.  He just believes.  Believing is the most simple act.  It's when we start to ask questions and apply logic that it gets complicated and difficult.  Believing is so much easier.  As Christians we have to "just believe" - think Jonah, Noah, every part of Jesus' ministry... it's like we can accept those things but when it gets personal we try and complicate it.

How does it end for Jairus?  Read Mark 5:37-42
37 He [Jesus] did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. 38 When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. 39 He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” 40 But they laughed at him.
After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. 41 He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). 42 Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished.

I believe that I will be healed.  I believe that I will be restored, will be able to serve and function again.  I do.  But I certainly get side-tracked with my what-if's? and hows?  and I-don't-want-tos. But Jesus says don't worry about all that... Just Believe!

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