Thank you for all of your notes after my very desperate "valley-cry" post yesterday. I am better today and feel much more in the shelter of God's wings. His wings were there yesterday I was just not under them (my bad, not God's)! Praise already - I went to the dentist this morning, so mark one thing I "wasn't able to do" off the list! And two sweetheart friends, Summer and Candra, have offered to do something fun with and for the kids in the near future - Thank you!!!!!
Two friends shared wonderful thoughts after my down-in-the-dumps day yesterday and they both led me to Philippians 4...
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ---Philippians 4:11
Please pray that I will choose contentment in this new "norm" for my life - however it ends up. This verse came from my dear friend that has had MS for years. She leads a full, thankful and admirable life that I want to emulate.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. ---Philippians 4:8
This was a reminder from a good friend that if I focus on the bad things they will hinder forward-progress. But if I focus on the positives and let God's peace rest on me and not stress out, I will be able to move forward.
They're good reminders for all of us, no matter what circumstances you're in and what situation you are facing. I am praying for so many of you too - those who I know have burdens you are bearing. We each have burdens and sufferings and whether they seem great or small relative to anyone else's life, God cares about each and every one. They are vitally important to Him and if He cares about the little birdies in the Target parking lot having enough popcorn to eat, surely He cares for us immeasurably more and will take good care of us (my interpretation of Matthew 6:26)!
On a medical note...
I talked to the PA at my doctor's office in Austin today and he gave me a lot of info that was SO helpful. It still leaves me confused but confirmed some of the things I needed to know. I wanted to outline these scenarios here and ask you all to pray for each scenario:
1) Move forward with the "craniotomy" (THAT is a scary word - that's severing the nerve from the brain) and/or the Gentimicin (toxic) shots. The craniotomy has a 95-98% success rate to stop the dizziness. The shots are about 85%. I could do the shots first and if they are not successful, move forward with the surgery later if I wanted. These are both considered "destructive" procedures.
BOTH OF THESE OPTIONS WILL RENDER MY LEFT VESTIBULAR FUNCTION (BALANCE) COMPLETELY NON-FUNCTIONAL. All of the balance function for my body will be controlled by my right ear.
2) Keep doing VRT (vestibular rehab therpay) and be aggressive with it. The kicker here is that I MUST come off of the anti-dizzy medicine I take for the VRT to be effective. I have been unsuccessful so far in trying to come off of this medicine. This medicine essentially is a sedative to the brain and slows reflexes to the brain (including the vestibluar system). So coming off of it is going to be EXTREMELY DIFFICULT b/c without it I get very, very dizzy, plus amping up my VRT is going to make things worse too. BUT the only way to rebuild my left ear is to challenge it (YUK!)
Option 1 sounds really, really good to me. No more dizziness with a quick procedure. Until I consider this...
Today, my body has a completely functional right ear and a dysfunctional left ear. If I do option 1 above and I get Meniere's in my right ear, I will have a dysfunctional right ear and no functionality in the left ear. The PA said that if I do option 1 and anything ever happens in my right ear they would never do the same "destructive" procedures in my right ear b/c that would take away 85% of how my brain sees the world (this probably means wheelchair and severe disability).
There's a faith factor on both sides: 1) Do I move forward with Option 1 and have faith that God will protect my right ear for the rest of my days? or 2) Do I have faith that God will heal my left ear completely and miraculously so that I can function again and get back to "life"?
I know that no one can make this decision for me. I wish each of you could just vote and I'd be done with it. I'm asking for your prayers but I'm also asking for your thoughts. As a point of curiosity, what would you do if this was your decision to make? Not what your decision-making process would be, but which choice would you make? Again, just curious! Please let me know and I will keep you posted.