Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. ---Psalm 46:10
I have another Gator story that God is teaching me through this week...
We have a detached garage. A breezeway separates the house from the garage and a waist-high fence/gate into the backyard runs along the breezeway. Anytime I'm in the breezeway - sweeping, taking out trash, watering my ferns - Gator is standing on the other side of the fence yapping as loudly as he can. It's so loud because of the echo that it actually hurts my ears. And he won't stop. I try and talk to him and console him. He is trying desperately to convey something to me, to try and get me to pet him or feed him or just come into the backyard. He's so persistent that he cannot hear any of my consolation, he can't hear me telling him that I'll be over to see him shortly. He just keeps yapping...
And sometimes so do I. I know that God doesn't see me as an annoying dog, but I wonder if he wishes sometimes that I would stop yapping so he could just speak to me.
This week my friend, Summer, bought me a beautiful necklace with the inscription "Be still and know..." and she sent me the Psalm 46:10 verse in a text. It was her gift to me as I prepare for my trip to the Mayo Clinic. It was her text and gift that planted this seed in my mind. God can use anything, anyone to bring us answers or point us in the right direction. I am so thankful for His divine placement of situations and people in our lives. I wonder how many times before I just glossed over opportunities and friends when in fact God was trying to speak to me.
I am having a terrible week. I've been about as bad as I was 6 months ago. I don't know what brought it on or how long it will last. Jonathan was out of town a few days so I had to call 5 different friends to help me get kids to/from school and my faithful mom helped me each afternoon with the kids' homework, baths and supper. I missed a work opportunity, Open House at school and Beau's football game. I will not be at Awana Parent Night on Sunday. (But as my friend Jimmie often reminds me, I'm trying to "focus on what I can do, not what I can't.") So, as usual during these times I asked God to reveal to me what's going on. I realize God doesn't owe it to me but I always ask. And he did share a glimpse through my friend... The times like this, the really bad days and weeks, allow me a chance to "be still and know." If I were feeling better I'd probably be standing at the fence yapping.
He often plants seeds or whispers words when I'm down. The down time allows me the chance to really focus in on the message He is sending. It allows me a rare opportunity to marinate on His word. When I'm lying in bed or curled up wanting to cry is often when I hear Him the most clearly. It often brings moments of clarity for me. So I feel like now I know when I'm not feeling well I need to get quiet and listen, to focus and meditate so that I hear His message and receive His comfort.
Of course I'm praying that I will feel better soon. No one wants to be physically incapacitated. But at the same time I am praying fervently that I will be still these next few weeks. I don't hold out all hope for Mayo. I only have hope in one thing: God's healing on His terms. But I do hope that the Mayo trip will reveal some options and that God may be using the doctors there to bring healing. I'm human and I want to be healed so I would be lying if I said that's not what I HOPE for... it is. And Satan is tyring hard to convince me I will not be healed. He keeps whispering, "There's no cure, Nicole. There's nothing that can be done. It's hopeless." I found this perfect passage this week and I tailored it just for me:
Surely she will never be shaken; a righteous woman will be remembered forever.
She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Her heart is secure, she will have no fear; in the end she will look in triumph on her vestibular problems.
--- adapted from Psalm 112:6-8
I also know that God is sovereign, that God knew about my Meniere's Disease long before I was born and God knows the exact date and method through which healing will come. I hate the unknown but I have comfort in a big God. Until then, I will pray Psalm 46:10.
Check out this beautiful song by Mercy Me - "Word of God Speak"