Mid-Summer Report

I have felt compelled for several weeks to post and give all of my faithful prayer warriors an update and I am ashamed that I have not.  Please forgive me!

The news....
It’s all positive.  The last 3 weeks have been incredible... "normal" incredible!  I have driven my kids here and there - errands, outings, appointments.  I have been to several movies.  This week started with a 3-day trip to Arkansas which included a trip to Magic Springs (an amusement park) where I actually RODE a couple of rides.  Is that not awesome?!?

This is a link to one, which is considered a "thrill ride" so it's not for sissies...
http://www.magicsprings.com/thrill-rides-plummet-summit.php#

And the "Old No. 2 Logging Company Log Flume" which is similar to the one in this photo from another park...


Three days after the trip there, my friend Summer and I took all 4 of our kids to Shreveport for the day, shopping, eating and enjoying a movie.

I added a third medicine to the line-up about 3 weeks ago and it has seemed to make all the difference.  Know what's really ironic?  It's the medicine that I weaned myself from last summer b/c I HATED taking it!!!!  I have been resistant to it and finally gave in to give it another try.  For some reason it works wonders in combination with the other 2 meds I'm on.  Of course, God couldn’t put it past me the life lesson that sometimes the things we dread and hate the most bring us the most relief.  I don't dread evenings and bedtime anymore - I actually look forward to a good night's rest.  And the fact I actually went on some theme park rides and didn't dream about them all night is SO COOL!

Our family is going to the beach for a week before school starts - a vacation that we had to miss last year.  And I have no qualms or reservations that I will enjoy every minute of it.

I eased back to running on June 2.  I used the Couch to 5K program and am now running 4-5 days a week.  That helps enormously with my overall mood and disposition.

Spiritually I feel a little held up.  I feel that several months ago God just went silent on me.  And I'm slowly realizing it's not a bad thing.  It's testing my fervor and commitment to him.  If I continue to seek and knock and ask when I don't "feel" his response then I am giving him just what he wants - a passionate pursuit.  Admittedly it is difficult to have deep, lengthy quiet times every day with two 7-year-olds underfoot and for that reason I am looking forward to school starting back in a couple of weeks.

I still keep thinking that a "hallelujah, I'm healed" moment is coming, but everything is just happening very gradually.  I regularly attend life group and church now on Sundays... I can't really pinpoint the moment that part of my life became normal again; it just kinda happened.

So I guess I'm still on the uphill climb out of the valley and I haven't reached the summit yet where more of this makes sense and my purpose or calling from the peak becomes clearer.

Thank you for your continued prayer.  Thank you for being so joyful when you see me out.  Please pray that I will stay grounded and not forget a minute of this journey.  Please pray that God's calling will be crystal clear when his timing is right.

A Closer Look

There was a dead horsefly on our back patio when I woke up yesterday morning.  Seeing as how Gator eats pretty much everything, it was a miracle this little bug was still there.  It was on its back and I bent over to look more closely.  As I looked I noticed its little fly eyes and its stinger.  I then got the kids' magnifying glass and tried to look even closer.  The reason I say I "tried" to look closer is because Gator-the-Holy-Terror was trying to jump on me, eat the magnifying glass and step on the fly all at the same time.  I finally shooed Gator away long enough to gaze.  This fly, which usually is annoying, ugly and sometimes painful, became beautiful under the glass.  I could see many intricate details of its body, its large stinger, its scales, its amazing eyes. 

Over the last 2 weeks I have received at least 6 different words of encouragement from 6 different people in 6 different ways.  I want to share them with you, not to be proud or boastful, but just so you will know exactly what I mean:

1)      A family friend that I see once a year at most told me how much she enjoys my blog and how helpful it is to others.  She encouraged me to write a book or compile my postings in some way.

2)      A friend that I have seen about once in the last year sent me a Facebook message sharing her valley story and encouraging me with her words and lessons, so many of which I can totally relate to.

3)      A friend sent me a text acknowledging that every time she sees me walk into church she gives thanks that I am able to be there; knowing that for a very long time church attendance was difficult and I didn't go for a very long time.

4)      A friend sat next to me in church during a sermon from 1 Peter 1:3-9 entitled "Life Under Assault."  She looked at me after the service and told me she thought of me the whole time and about how I've stayed positive throughout my trial.

5)      A friend has been going through a very scary, physical ordeal for the last week (she's better - praise God!).  I was able to send her some encouragement and get hers in return.

6)      My mom called the twins' birthday into the local Christian radio station last week.  She also told the DJs what a great mom I am and that I read scripture and pray with my kids every morning.  It was a slow birthday morning (theirs was the only one), so the DJs spent some time relaying this story on air.  As I sat down to pray that morning I realized that if absolutely nothing else changes or I don't have a new ministry or calling as a result of this trial, that this one change in our life alone is a gift and a treasure and can have a significant eternal impact.  If I were still working full-time and running wide-open, I would have said, "We don't have the time in the mornings; we can't be late for school!"  And I realize this incredible gift of time that God has given us - time to spend training my children the importance of reading God's word and talking to Him every morning.

Again, I'm not sharing these stories as testaments to anything I've done.  I just want you to understand how over the last few weeks I've taken inventory of the last 19 months and am re-assessing just what it all means.  Somehow, with God's grace, I am able to look through the magnifying glass and see an ugly, painful, annoying situation as beautiful and precious.  It's a process, but I believe God has ignited a renewed sense of purpose for me.  Just like Gator distracting me from fly-gazing, many, many things have distracted me from having the right mindset over the last year and half.

I was lying in bed last night and shamefully remembering a conversation I had with the Young Singles Life Group that I taught up until the time I got sick.  One day in class I asked how many were ready to go to heaven and I sadly admitted that I wasn't quite ready yet.  Because I had a completely blessed life here, I didn't yearn for any more.  I had a great job, husband, kids, home, friends, HEALTH.  Through this journey, the priority of those things has been stripped away.  For so many days the only thing I could focus on was God's grace and the things of this world became "strangely dim" as the song says.  Now I cannot wait for the day that I can burst forth through those pearly gates.  I am ready NOW.  I realize that all I have is temporary and none of it is mine anyway.  It's all God's.  Now that my fingers have been pried from the grip I had on things of this earth I can spend time with my magnifying glass looking more closely at this journey and appreciating it for what it is and even finding beauty in something very ugly.

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

 ---Habakkuk 3:17-18

Other Stuff
I've been on the new meds for a week and it's actually been a pretty good one.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  Nights are still not fun at all, but at least I am getting a little relief in daily activities. I'm still having some trouble setting boundaries and not pushing myself - I'm sure that will continue to be a work in progress.

School is out for summer and I am so thankful for lazy mornings and no homework!

Tomorrow I will celebrate 14 years of marriage with a wonderful husband who has quietly born the brunt of the family burden for a very long year and a half.

May 20 Mayo Visit

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the continued prayers.  Even though I don't sit and write very often anymore I still know you are faithful in remembering me.  It's been a rough couple of months physically and emotionally and I know I've been withdrawn.  I'm not sure why and can't really describe how I feel.

I had 2 appointments at the Mayo Clinic today.  I told Dr. Staab, the doc I speak with via phone regularly, that it was surreal being there again.  Last October when I left, I truly thought I would never be back.  But 7 months later there we were today. 

What a blessing that we didn't have to fly commercial; we left our house at 6am today and pulled back in the driveway at 5:45 this evening.  We ate breakfast and lunch and had 2 one-hour doctors appointments - pretty incredible!  I know of one doctor in West Monroe that may keep a patient waiting close to 12 hours just to see him (Ok, I'm exaggerating but you get the picture).

So, the long and short of it is that we must continue to try different combinations of medicines to treat my chronic headaches and my dizziness.  My doctors feel we have pinpointed what may be a good combination for me so we are going to try and find the right dosage with those 2 meds.  Dr. Staab was so wonderful, so reassuring, so knowledgeable.  He re-emphasized that I'm not alone; that he's going to continue to work with me until we find the answer and that we have to just "build on the little successes" to figure out what's best for me.  We're trying to get my brain to shift out of the "high risk dizziness" mode and the headaches are "throwing gas on the flames"... so we have to treat both, which is more complicated than just treating the dizziness.

Since I continue to have terrible nights - waking up from dreams that I'm riding carnival rides or dizzied up on heavy meds - I may also begin taking something at night to help me sleep.

Finally, I have to make some "lifestyle" changes.  Instead of cramming all kinds of activities into "good" days and then crashing from it and/or refraining from any activity on "bad" days, I have to pace myself during the week.  Being the OCD planner that I am, this shouldn't be too tough.  Although I don't do well with boundaries and saying "no" so Jonathan is also going to help keep me on track!  Dr. Staab wants me to plan a week out at a time; one or maybe two activities a day so that I don't overdue the good and that I push a little on the bad.

Last October when we left, Staab said to "go home and make (getting well) your fall/winter project."  Today he told me to go home and work on getting my meds right this summer.  And so I face another literal "season" of working through a recovery (if that's what I would even call it) period.  So, that's the gist of it all.  I'm sure this is Greek to many and I probably don't explain it well.  Since I've lived it now for a year and a half, it's all lingo that makes sense to me, but I realize it's very confusing!

I'm not really sure where God wants me right now in all of this.  I am struggling with that too.  I desperately want to write, but I feel empty.  And that makes me really sad.  Please pray that I will listen and act when and where He wants.

On a light and exciting note, Beau & Lydia turn SEVEN on Thursday.  We had their party at Chuck E. Cheese last Saturday and 18 kids showed up.  It was WILD!  Both docs at Mayo knew that I was serious when I told them I’d made major progress getting back into normal activities.  They agreed that any “normal” person would get dizzy in an environment like that and commended me for my bravery!  

Thank you, again and as always, for the many continued and faithful prayers.  I feel like a broken record but I very sincerely mean thank you.

Promises in the Wilderness

I made it to Nehemiah today!  I'm about 1/3 way through the Bible.  I cannot believe I have missed out on this historical perspective for the last 32 years since I became a Christian.  My goal is to ensure that my kids read the bible cover to cover early in their lives so that they will have a fuller, richer experience in all of their bible studies.  I want them to know who Zerubbabel, Ezra and Nehemiah were, what era they lived in and what their roles were. 

I've learned a lot of in-depth, beautiful, historical things and also random pieces of trivia.  For example, I want my kids to know there's actually a person named Nimrod in the bible and he wasn't a doofus or a dunce.  He was a mighty warrior! (Genesis 10:7-9)

Today I was referencing something back in Deuteronomy and ran across notes I had written in the margins throughout Chapter 8.  In this chapter, Moses is telling the Israelites to give God the credit due Him for all He has done, even in the midst of their wilderness wanderings.

Here's a link to the entire chapter:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=deuteronomy%208&version=NIV

Excerpts from Deuteronomy 8 (my highlights added)

¹Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. ² Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. ⁴ Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

¹⁵ He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. ¹⁶ He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” ¹⁸ But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.

Some of my notes from this chapter:

1) We reap God's promises when we are obedient

2) Desert experiences reveal who we are

3) It's all for our good

4) It's all for a reason

5) It's all because of love

This passage reminds me that in order to please God and reap His blessings we must first behave as he commands and expects us to.  We must live close to Him and not by our own or the world's standards of "good enough".  It also reminds me that when the fire gets hot, our true character and the core of who we are comes out.  We either negatively internalize and combust or we channel our hurts and devastation to the One who can see us through.  And in the end, through everything we experience - whether good or bad - it's all for our good.  V

erse 16 assures us that there's a purpose in what we go through:  "so that in the end it might go well with you."  God doesn't humble and test us because he can.  He does it because He knows best and He wants it to end well for us.  No matter how bad things get, his covenant is to LOVE me (Deuteronomy 7:9 says, "Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.")

Over the last 18 months I have certainly felt I was in a dreadful wilderness, a thirsty and waterless land.  But I have also received His manna and water too.  Even through the hard times, God gives us what we need.  There have been some senseless events take place in our country this week.  And these things are happening all over the world.  I've also heard of horrible personal tragedies striking families close to my community.  My wilderness in no way compares to the ones these people are in and will go through for a very long time and some of them for life.  I've often asked it and I'm sure the people in Boston have asked it this week. 

WHY?!?

I refer myself and others back to the answers found in Deuteronomy 8:

1) Desert experiences reveal who we are

2) It's all for our good

3) It's all for a reason

4) It's all because of love

I can't imagine life without these promises of God.  I don't think God punishes the innocent to get our attention, but if getting our attention is a by-product of tragedy and wilderness experiences, then all is not lost.

Other Stuff

It's still been tough for my physically.  I should have started writing a book about all my crazy dreams at the beginning of this journey...  I have dreamed about more carnivals, amusement parks and high-cliff adventures than I could have thought possible.  It may make for entertaining reading one day!  I've added another medicine back in the mix since when I came off it, I got incredibly dizzy with no relief.  Jonathan and I are headed back to Mayo in Minnesota on May 20.  Talk about blessings in adversity... God planned our first trip to Mayo in October (beautiful weather; no snow) and now this visit in May (beautiful weather; no snow)!  We missed the Minnesota winter and we are soooo grateful!  I'll be meeting with my regular doctor and the first neurologist I met with back in October.  I am certainly looking forward to going over the last 6 months with them but at the same time I'm a little apprehensive.  I know that it's Satan trying to get me to believe that they won't have any answers or it will be another 6 months of trying different medicines and treatments.  I've resumed the practice of earnestly seeking God's divine healing.  Quite honestly I gave up on that several months ago and quit asking.  I've never lost faith that He CAN; I guess I quit believing that he WOULD. 

Thank you for continued prayers, love and support.  I still need them and appreciate them more than you know.  When I see people from time to time that I rarely talk to and they tell me they're praying for me every day, I almost get a little embarrassed.  I guess sometimes I don't feel I deserve so many dear and faithful people praying for me.  And I shouldn't feel that way.  I have come to realize that prayer is one of the most loving and generous gifts we can give each other.  And so I sincerely thank you for your faithfulness.

It's God's Battle

I know many of you think I've been feeling great, back to normal life since I haven't written in so long.  Unfortunately, that isn't the case.  A week from tomorrow marks the 18 month mark of this journey.  I've been numb a little, not necessarily to God, but just to the whole situation.  I've beat myself up often thinking that I'm still sick because I'm too hard-headed or oblivious to get the lesson.  I finally found peace realizing that God may not have a "big plan" he's working on; that his purpose may be to just teach me to be quiet and seek him in the small, daily things. So, I've quit being so hard on myself wondering if I'm falling short of what his plan is for me.  Now I'm trying to look for the small things that come each day.

One of my journal entries this week: "I'm still just SO frustrated - I know God loves me and there's great peace knowing He's in total control.  But this is a miserable existence from a physical standpoint."

And that pretty much sums up how I feel most days.  I've still had a few good days and a few good portions of days but I am still fighting through many days.  I am trying to be thankful for small wins - I got to attend our church's Easter egg hunt and Easter service with my family this year.  But then I also get bummed pretty easily too - I missed the kids Easter party at school for the 2nd year in a row.  I know that kind of stuff probably seems so trivial to most, but it's not to me.

I'm still reading my bible cover to cover.  I figure I'll finish early- to mid-2015.  I'm in 2nd Chronicles now.  This week I ran across an enlightening and extremely uplifting chapter.  It really hit me out of nowhere since the Chronicles are a recap of Samuel and Kings and they go into a lot of detail about the military and spiritual state of Judah during that time.  2 Chronicles 20 recaps King Jehoshaphat's (a godly king in Judah) and the Israelites' plea to God to rescue them from a battle and God's response.  Please take the time to read the whole chapter, it's really encouraging:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20chronicles%2020&version=NIV

Some key verses from this chapter (I added some emphasis):

vv. 6, 9  "Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you... ‘If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us."

v. 12  "For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

v. 15  "This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s."

v. 17  "stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you"

I guess in my state of numbness I forget the power of God sometimes.  I don't know if it's because I have resumed some "normal" activities or what but I don't find myself "crying out in distress" like I used to.  I don't know what to do about this ever, but I'm sure my eyes wander away from God. And I don't see it as a battle anymore but have almost accepted this fate and so I don't often remind myself it is an ongoing battle and God can give me victory.  I've settled into this "new norm" but not in a constructive way; in an "I'm tired of praying and asking for the same healing over and over and over again" way. 

Today in our life group we read Mark 4:35-41 where Jesus calms the storm:

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

I was convicted to the point that tears were stinging my eyes as I held them in.  It hit me in the face; the disciples' question echos the same one I've asked again and again over the last 18 months:

"Teacher, don’t you care if I drown?” (not literally of course)

Maybe I haven't waited to hear his response or maybe I've ignored it:

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to me, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

How ironic that this story takes place on a stormy, rocky boat.  As many of you know that's how I describe my physical state much of the time: "I feel like I've been deep sea fishing on a boat all day!"  I am going to search for a renewed faith over the coming days.  I am going to look for ways to hear Jesus say, "Quiet! Be still!" to my dizziness and brain fog; to clear the storm from my body that causes my boat to rock.

Other Stuff
I will be heading back to the Mayo Clinic in MN as soon as I can get an appointment.  A short version of the story is that through some medication changes and my responses my doctor again thinks there is more to the migraine story than first believed.  He is checking with my original neurologist to see if he wants to meet back with me or if he wants to refer me to a headache neurologist.  It takes months to get an appointment in Neurology so who knows when it will be.  As I understand it now, my primary Mayo doctor and a neuro doctor (my original one or a new one) will have a joint meeting/appointment when I go up there again.  I believe the medicine I will need to try to control the migraine will need to be monitored more closely and they need to do some baseline tests (probably blood work) before I begin taking it and that I'll probably be monitored more closely and regularly for a while.  I'm reading some of this between the lines from the last discussion with my doctor.  I'm very, very encouraged that I still have a doctor who is intent on finding answers.  He told me during our last call that this is extremely frustrating because there's not a silver bullet cure-all; it's lots of trial and error.  It's been 6 months since my original visit and the prognosis then was that I would have my "life back" in 3-6 months.  I still know God is the only one who can restore me but I still have hope that it may be through the doctors at Mayo.

My family is wonderful.  I am in awe every day of the blessing that my husband and children are to me.  If nothing else in this world is right, I know that I have something more precious than many, many people have and I count those blessings often.

Behind the Fence

There's one house that I try and avoid walking by when I'm out with Gator.  Unless I want to take a REALLY long way home it's hard to avoid it so I often suck it up and forge ahead.  In the backyard of this one particular house is another dog.  A big, scary dog!  I think it's some kind of hound dog.  He's got a low, menacing bark.  He has some sort of box that he jumps on so he can see over the fence.  He puts his front paws on the fence and barks and the entire fence shakes like it is about to come down.  Even Gator who tries to be ferocious to other dogs and people is humbled by this dog.  I dread that one day the shaky fence will collapse and Cujo will come after us.  (If you don't know who Cujo is, rent the Stephen King movie and you'll find out).

Since Gator is still with the trainer I've been riding my bike lately instead of walking.  As I was riding one day this week I felt a presence behind me.  I turned my head and saw Cujo right at my heels.  For a moment I panicked.  A car was driving by and asked, "Is that your dog?"  I managed to squeak out "No."  She threw her car in park and called, "Scout, come here!"  Cujo (aka Scout) went right over to her car wagging his tail.  By this time I had stopped my bike and was waiting for the next step.  As the lady in the car corralled him to get him back home, I realized something.  Scout was friendly, much smaller than I imagined and pretty obedient.  WHAT?!?  But, I've been terrified for months of this dog because he seemed so big and ferocious. 
God reminded once again through this encounter that the things "behind the fence" are never as big as they seem.  They're usually not as bad or troublesome as we make them out in our minds.  God always knows what's back there and he always knows what's best for us.  I guess as long as I'm human and have a finite brain he will have to keep teaching me these things.

I've written about the giants in my life before - how worrying about them doesn't do any good and how "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).  I'm assuming others are no different from me and also need these reminders.

I'm sure the next time I'm out walking and Scout starts barking and shaking the fence that I'll quicken my steps a little, just to be on the safe side... but hopefully more than that I'll remember that God made Scout, God knows the safety of the fence and God won't let anything happen to me that He doesn't control.

Other Stuff
I've had a long stretch of more good days.  I've had crummy ones here and there too, but the good ones have been really good - normal good.  I was recently reading some of my journal from when this journey began and it made me ill to think of how bad it was at the beginning - when those vertigo attacks were coming fast and furiously and how horrifying they were.  I talked to a lady this week who is in that phase right now.  When I got off the phone I was close to tears.  I can relate to everything she is going through and I know how desperate she is for relief right now.  My friend, Summer, sent me an article recently on a study that was done on Meniere's patients with severe symptoms and their quality of life.  One comment from the article stated, "Meniere's disease patients are among the most severely impaired non-hospitalized patients studied thus far."  The study tracked the psychology impact of the condition on patients and results showed them on par regarding quality of life with patients with cancer and aids.  It made me sad but also relieved to know that I'm not alone.  I just pray that more families and doctors and friends will be aware of what a serious case of Meniere's Disease can do to people and the impact it can have.  I am one of the very very fortunate ones who have had nothing but love, compassion and concern from my family, friends and even some strangers.

As always, I sincerely thank everyone praying for me.  It is the most humbling experience when people I don't even know come up and tell me they're praying for me or send me a card in the mail.  Such little gestures mean more than you know.

One Way to Heaven

As most of you know I usually write from the point of my current state of mind/soul/health... what I'm going through, what God is teaching me through it or other observations where I see the work of God.  This week I feel convicted to be very blatant in what it means to be a Christian.  All of the things that I write about mean nothing without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  If you are reading this and you don't have that, please know everything I've written in prior posts is meaningless.

We lost a dear family friend last week, Ginni Burford.  She was teaching at school on a Monday and collapsed that afternoon while running an errand. She passed away 8 days later.  She was vibrant, full of life and seemingly healthy.  Two days ago, a friend of the Gregory's was killed in a car accident in an instant.  These sudden deaths have been a stark reminder of how short our lives here on earth truly are.  We never wake up thinking, "Today's gonna be my day to leave this world.  I better get my affairs in order."  That's why we must be READY at any moment.

I was talking with someone recently about this very subject.  This person said things like, "I'm a good person.... I'm religious.... I believe in God.... I read the Bible."  All of those things are great, but they are worthless unless you truly understand what it means and how to give your life to Christ and accept the gift he has given.

The first question to decide is, "Do you believe the Bible is God's word?"  If you believe the Bible is God's word, then you have to believe in ALL of it.  He wouldn't leave us His word to pick and choose pieces from it that we want to believe are true and dismiss the rest.  If we believe in God's word, we must accept it in its entirety.

If you do believe in God's word, there are four key scriptures you should know about.  Some people call this the "Roman Road" or the "Salvation Freeway" or probably other things as well.  It really doesn't matter what we label it.

Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God

1.  Accept this statement.  We are ALL sinners.

Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

2.  Acknowledge that because of sin, we will ALL die.  It's the penalty of our sin.

Romans 5:8 - But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

3.  Accept that God loves us so much, he sent his son, Jesus, to die and pay the penalty for our sin.

Romans 10:9-10  - If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

4.  Confess out loud through prayer that you know Jesus died for you to save you from sin.

Salvation is that simple.  It doesn't mean you become a bible-beater or Jesus-freak, although that's not as negative as people make it out to be.  It just means you acknowledge your flaws and know that God loves you in spite of them.  You accept that without salvation you will not get eternal life in heaven.

Some people are so put off by Christianity and churches because of the hypocrisy and I totally get that.  Being a Christian doesn't mean you have to attend some stuffy or fake church that you're not comfortable in.  It does mean that you should strive to live your life in a way that is pleasing to God.  When you have a relationship with someone (Christ included) you want to spend time with them and get to know them.  You don't have to go to church or read your bible or tithe your money or serve others in ministry if you become a Christian.  The Bible never says any of that is a condition of your salvation.  However, if you truly make a heart-felt profession of salvation and fully understand all that Jesus did for you, you will want to be with other Christians and find a church you love, you will want to pray, you will want to read your bible and get to know more about God.  It's a natural progression.

Being a Christian doesn't mean life is easy.  By no means (have you read the last year of my blog????)!  Once you accept the gift of salvation, you will wake the sleeping giant in your life - Satan.  1 Peter 5:8 says, "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."  There are many Christians who love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength who go through really, really bad things.  The big difference between a Christian and non-Christian is that as Christians we have HOPE in something greater than us, a promise of an eternity in heaven, a comfort that is unexplainable (And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus.  ---Philippians 4:7). 
I hope if you're reading this that you are a "good person," that you do read your bible and pray.  But more importantly I hope you truly understand what it means to be saved.  It's really quite simple and it will change your life!!!!

Other News
There has been a change for the better in my good days over the last weeks.  Many of the good days haven't just been good days, they've been almost "normal" days like pre-October 2011!  It's incredible.  I have done some activities - gone to church, driven, eaten out - with NO dizziness.  I didn't have to fight to get through them.  I can't describe how liberating it has been.  On the flip side there have been some AWFUL days... it seems I came out of the dizzy all day, every day mode and started swinging to the really good or the really bad.  BUT there's still praise because the bad days aren't always lasting for days or weeks.  I may have a really bad day sandwiched between 2 good ones.  This is awesome and so encouraging.  Before when I hit a bad day I knew the entire week ahead would be rough.  Now I have hope that it may only last a short while.  The nights are still pretty rough.  It seems that's when I'm always really rocky (like I've been deep sea fishing all day) and I still have horrible dreams about crazy amusement park rides a lot.  But there are some nights the rocking doesn't last long and I get to sleep and have no dreams.  Also, writing, reading, computer work are still a challenge.  So I don't respond to many e-mails and haven't written here in a while.  I'm not sure why those things are so tough, but they are.  I'm doing work from home for my company, Faulk & Foster, which requires computer time, so I'm really having to pace myself.  F&F has been an INCREDIBLE blessing to me the last 8 years and they continue to be.  They hired an HR Manager to replace me, but they are keeping me on staff in a consulting role to work from home on a project-basis.  I am almost speechless at the love and care and support they give to me.  And they are allowing me to continue doing something I love, for a company I love - and I'm getting paid!!!!  I thank God regularly for the blessing of my job.

Beau is doing incredible since his tonsillectomy.  He is healthy and happy.  It is SUCH a joy to see him feeling good.  Lydia's doing great too.  Preliminary tests for her health issue are pointing in a good direction.  So HUGE PRAISE for these blessings.  They are also straight A students. It is humbling to know that they are so bright and they don't have to struggle in school.  I have friends whose kids do struggle and I acknowledge this is truly a blessing and a gift from God.  Jonathan seems to be doing better since the improvement in my health.  I hated feeling the burden he carried trying to do everything on his plate plus taking care of me, the kids and generally running the daily life of the family.  He'll be 40 next month and I can't wait for him to catch up with me so I don't have to hear about how he's "still 39" anymore!

My only problem child, Gator, has been with the trainer for almost 2 weeks.  He has learned a lot but will still need some more time there.  I just hope we can use those same techniques when he gets home to his "turf"!

There are days I am in awe of the blessings in my life.  Even with all the dizzy days over the last 16 months, I cannot fathom how I have been so blessed by so many other good things.  I'm often at a loss for words to express my gratitude.

I know so so so many of you continue to pray for me and my family.  For that too, I am grateful beyond expression for your faithfulness.